Stories That Weren't True

"Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind."

Brené Brown is credited with popularizing this quote after using it in her book Dare To Lead. She says she first heard it in a 12-step meeting.

I like it for the way it presents complexity as if it were simplicity. To me, it sounds as if the words "just be honest" confidently put on a turtleneck and reading glasses, but then had an unceremoniously long day at the office. Perhaps its patience had worn thin by then. Come to think of it, I'm not sure "Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind" has ever been said without an exhale, sigh, or groan preceding it.

It was an ex-girlfriend who introduced me to Brené Brown and her work. But it wasn't until after we'd broken up that I'd looked into it. For whatever reason, I'd chosen to do that during a layover at the Toronto airport. I have no idea why. But I do remember it'd been an overnight layover spent on a bench in the international departures terminal. With only a backpack to use as a pillow, I'd propped myself up, opened my laptop, and flung myself down the rabbit hole of Ted Talks, articles, books, and Netflix special (singular, at the time).

That ex girlfriend and I would cross paths again one day. And I'd ask why she'd nudged me toward Brené's work years before. The response she gave is still funny to me. She'd told me it was because she'd thought I'd been holding onto a lot of stories about myself that weren't true; that shame may have been keeping me stuck.

Since she'd never said any of that back then, I remember being torn between feeling grateful to learn she'd believed in me, and feeling like she'd completely missed the memo about clear being kind.

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Our Daily MAP Year Prompt
177/365

Is there anyone whose feelings you think you're sparing by withholding your true thoughts?

onward.

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