Why does the conversation about the male loneliness epidemic completely skip over the part where experiencing loneliness has nothing to do with, well… being male?

In fact, I don’t think loneliness is even the actual problem.

A byproduct, sure, but not the core issue.

So I asked Caleb Walker.

He and I are like-minded in a fair many ways, as evidenced by what he shares in his monthly column, so while I knew male loneliness could be a contentious topic, I didn’t think it’d be volatile territory between the two of us. What I hadn’t quite expected, though, was where Caleb and I differed on the subject.

And among the population at large?

Uh, yeah… I’d say there’s plenty of opposing viewpoints on male loneliness out there.

The Unobstructed Podcast: Episode 36

This episode of The Unobstructed Podcast is about rejection sensitivity, gender bias, and the fast-growing societal fear of being vulnerable.

In this conversation, Caleb and I talk a whole lot about gender expectations. Which is also what led to chatting about the rise of social media, the loss of third places, and the overlooked role of attachment theory in the yucky evolution of the modern “manosphere.”

I mean, it seems like it shouldn’t be controversial to want healthy acceptance modeled for kids of any gender. Right? Nor should encouraging honesty or nurturing uncertainty be met with disdain.

So why is it?

I was genuinely curious. I have my theories but I don’t pretend to know all the answers. So I asked Caleb if there were times when he felt people had made assumptions about him. I wanted to know about the stories he’d tell himself in those situations; to hear more about how he thought he was being perceived by others. More specifically, I wanted his thoughts on rejection—if and where it might reinforce the whole gender bias thing. He’s a girl-dad. So I was curious to learn about the kinds of things he consciously models for his kids. Would that stuff be any different if he had a son?

That led me to share some of my own history with fearing rejection. For years, I hid parts of myself that I was ashamed of because I wanted to belong. Sure, there’s a loneliness in that, but it certainly isn’t male.

At least, I don’t think so.

We talk about all of this and more in the episode. You can listen below via Substack and also on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Amazon Music.

Loneliness Isn't 'Male,' So What's The Problem? by Derek MacDonald

It can't be all social media's fault, either.

Read on Substack

 

onward.