Rediscovering the joy of play.
I don't know when playing got so hard. It didn't used to require so much thinking... and, if anything, it's actually not supposed to.
These days, I'm trying to have fun again, but without comparing it to all the fun I've had before. Isobel knows how to have fun. I love that about her. She's the reason we play on a co-ed, rec soccer team together. Today was both the playoffs and the end to our season.
When I was a kid I hated soccer. I gave it a shot, but it was a very short career that began as a kindergartner and ended shortly thereafter. I was already the new kid in school on my first day of soccer, so when my mom and I got to a field full of people who all seemed to recognize each other, my gut tightened. Then, I realized they'd all played before. Not me. There was no unfreezing my gripping fear by that point.
Tears followed, embarrassment escalated, and eventually I found my way to other sports where I faired far better. This was my first year playing organized soccer since then. The team I joined already knew each other, and most of them had played soccer rather competitively. But I wasn't focused on competing this time because I was too busy trying to learn how to have fun again.
And that meant focusing on just playing instead.
Earlier this year (or was it last year?) I found out that I was an adult who woke up one day and realized he'd forgot how to play... at all. Like anything. So I started piecing it together bit by bit. It was Isobel who'd encouraged me to join the soccer league. Every week on Sundays I'd think about not thinking while quietly reminding myself about good defensive posture.
I made some good plays. I whiffed and watched the ball roll past me plenty of times. I even scored a few goals. But mostly, I showed up again and again and got to know a group of people who like to have fun. And today, during our rec-league playoff game, I ran to the sidelines after a breakaway to find Isobel smirking at me.
"You're smiling so big" she said.
And I was. I just hadn't noticed because I wasn't thinking about it.
Our Daily MAP Year Prompt
56/365
What's something you're grateful for that you hadn't realized was so meaningful to you?
onward.
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