Why acknowledging your discomfort works better than ignoring it.
Avoiding grief only makes things worse.
Michaela Kellogg joined us on the pod to talk about why.
She’s a creative director and writer. And she’s also the voice behind The Near Death Project, a publication exploring death and grief. It started as a way to feature conversations with people who live and work near death—religious leaders, hospice workers, doctors, mediums—as well as those who have nearly died or who are nearing the end of life themselves.
Tragically, the project became far more personal following the unexpected death of her nine-year-old son, Ben.
The Unobstructed Podcast: Episode 35
This episode of The Unobstructed Podcast is about grief, empathy, and learning how to talk about death instead of tiptoeing around it.
In this conversation, Michaela talked a whole lot about paying attention to the “little things” in life. So I really wanted to dig into where that came from. Did she always do that? Or was it something she learned along the way?
After Ben’s death, Michaela had to figure out how to live a life that made space for gratitude and grief at the same time. So, a lot of her writing now reads as a collection of thank you letters that focus on the surprising and generous ways people show up for one another during the tragic, most brutally uncomfortable moments in life. Since there are no clear instructions for navigating stuff like that, she hopes all she’s come to understand about her own grief can help others to do the same.
This conversation was both difficult and immensely heartwarming.
While we planned to talk about grief, we actually spent a surprising amount of time discussing the stories we tell ourselves and why they influence our wellbeing so much. In the lead-up to recording this episode, I didn’t expect self-talk to come up nearly as much as it did. Turns out that Michaela talks to herself like a coach, which Caleb and I each do, too. Her new children’s book, Buds, aims to help folks take that a step further by introducing themes of life and loss to talk about with one another in more approachable ways.
One thing that stuck with me was how Michaela advocated for directly acknowledging our discomfort rather than ignoring it. And that lines up with something I’ve been working on for years: the idea that we don’t always need to fix things (or cheer people up), and that being present is usually enough.
We talk about all of this and more in the episode. You can listen below via Substack and also on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Amazon Music.
onward.
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