Oh, when the weight left the room, did you take a deep breath?
I'm watching Noah Kahan's new documentary, Out of Body, and it feels like I just got slapped in the face.
Um... wh—
What? Did he... did he just say...
Ava and I are sitting on the couch staring slack-jawed at the TV. Well, ok... I am. Ava wasn't always allowed on the couch, but she's five now and we've spent a TON of time training over the years so... she's earned it. And, I'm glad she's here because I kind of need some dog snugs or something after what just happened.
I'm about to hit pause and run to the bathroom when Noah starts talking about how his dad got in a bike accident when he and his siblings were kids, and how he was never really the same after that. So, with my elbows on my knees, I go from bracing to stand up to braced for impact. My jaw clenches and my eyes widen. In an instant, I'm connecting dots from throughout the doc with bits and pieces of my own life.
Noah Kahan is a singer/songwriter from Vermont who went from playing small venues to stadiums seemingly overnight. His lyrics have sparked a national (global?) conversation about mental health that's somehow approachable from all sides. I couldn't be happier about that.
I've been watching the doc nodding along as if we're best friends. He talks about his family and close friends often in his music and not always in ways they might be comfortable with. But it's honest. Hearing his mom say that made me smile, even if his brother looked like he couldn't disagree more with his mom's approval. The thing that was most jarring for me was seeing Noah interact with his dad. I don't think he's ever directly said it, but I've always sort of understood that maybe his dad struggles with mental health and that it was hard for the rest of their family.
Noah's talking to the camera solo from his car and reveals that his dad was in an accident some years ago when training for an ironman and ended up in a coma with a traumatic brain injury. Noah gets visibly choked up talking about it, saying his dad's never been the same since.
So, arms still on my knees, I'm still sitting on the couch as something clicks into place for me. Since I got sober 5 years ago, the story I've been telling myself is that my sobriety, and the changes I've made in my life to preserve it, caused a rift with some of the relationships in my life. I'm watching the camera cut from Noah to a shot of his dad nordic skiing and I realize those rifts started a couple of years before I stopped drinking. Same with the mood swings, social anxiety, and depression.
When I got a TBI in a snowboarding accident.
Damn.
Our Daily MAP Year Prompt
298/365
Have you ever had an ah-hah moment from someone else telling a story about them that unexpectedly applies to you?
onward.
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