The emotional burdens we inherit.
Instinctively, I start turning the volume down immediately.
At first I'd hit pause, but I'm trying to be better about withstanding awkward, embarrassing, or otherwise confrontational social situations when depicted on screen. I'm watching "Gary," an unannounced episode of The Bear. Apparently, it got released as a surprise ahead of the show's upcoming fifth and final season.
It'd taken a second to register what I was looking at when I first opened Hulu. Seeing the name "Gary" didn't make me think of The Bear, and it wasn't until I saw Jon Bernthal and Ebon Moss-Bachrach pictured side-by-side that I even thought to connect those dots.
Did they star in something else together?
Wait...
Hold on, is this a spinoff?
Reddit solved the mystery for me. "Gary" is a flashback episode, referencing a roadtrip to Gary, Indiana, involving Mikey and Richie (Jon and Ebon). Honestly, it could be a standalone short film. Maybe that's why they listed it as a different show? I think that, after the marketing splash subsides, that choice will be incredibly clunky.
Talk about confusing for a first-time viewer. AND, even if they wanted to change it later, it's not like they could just transfer it into an existing show-listing without losing all the streaming data...
I catch myself.
What kind of dork starts thinking about software system governance when faced with a new, surprise episode of a show they love, anyway? Not my problem... So I'm sitting there on my couch, leaning forward with my arms in my lap, and I'm cradling the remote while toggling mute on and off. Jon Bernthal's character, Mikey, is just completely zooted and being an asshole to his best friend.
I'm watching his facial expression dip in and out of vulnerability and fear. I see self-protection flash across his eyes, disguising itself through hatred and animosity.
My heart's racing now and I'm squeezing my thumbs between my pointer fingers and middle fingers on each hand like I'd do as a kid before I ever had this stupid fidget ring. Somehow, my chest is hollow and tight all at once. For a guy who can't make it through five minutes of The Office without cringing, I'm thinking I'm doing pretty good.
It's just a TV show.
It's not real.
It's not yours to hold.
This show has spent four seasons making us fall in love with Mikey. We knew going in that the entire premise of The Bear is Mikey committing suicide and leaving his just-about-bankrupt Chicago restaurant to his younger brother, Carmen (Jeremy Allen White). Season after season, we've been given breadcrumbs of an abusive family environment and moderate glimpses into the insufficient coping mechanisms of everyone involved.
So I'm staring at the TV and I'm grinding my teeth, trying to remember to take deep breaths. I knew Mikey was an addict. I knew he was sweet and kind, and deeply troubled. I love The Bear for making him so undeniably human.
And I hate how much of it I recognize.
Our Daily MAP Year Prompt
251/365
Are you someone who feels what the characters feel when you watch TV or movies?
onward.
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