The challenges of social vulnerability.
It snowed the first real snow of the season today. There's been spits and spurts, but today it's right there in the yard.
A friend and I moved the last piece of heavy furniture into my new place today. Right before we started, so did the rain. I didn't think much of it, mostly because it was pretty light at first. That and it's been raining a fair bit recently. It wasn't until we got inside that the snow picked up. By that point, it was coming down heavily.
This friend has known me since college. We got to chatting, mixing in a bit of reminiscing here and there. I'm so grateful for him—and not just for helping me move furniture. He knew me before I got sober, before I came out, and before I got honest enough with myself to openly build a life that I really wanted to live.
As we talked, he asked me about my writing. From a place of curiosity, he wanted to know what made writing different for me than chatting with a group of people in person. He's right; those are very different things for me.
It's a great question.
"I'm an observer" I told him. "I learned to observe before contributing."
I struggle with taking up space... my default is not to. The me who drank had the advantage of not feeling that discomfort as much. It helped me contribute sooner in social situations without needing to observe first. Sober me wrestles with that a lot more. My friend understood. He said he has enough context into my life to see how that all connects. But he also mentioned that for those without as much context, it can be perceived as aloof.
"People want you to contribute" he said.
"They miss you."
Our Daily MAP Year Prompt
71/365
Do you have someone who can be honest with you when you need it? Can you do that for people in your life? Thank them. And tell them you love them.
onward.
Help BUDS grow by passing this along to someone who’d appreciate it.