Role models of healthy masculinity wanted.
You know that feeling where it seems like the world values something completely different than you do?
That's what happened to me when I opened Substack on my laptop yesterday. I thought I was seeing things. Then, I hoped I was. My eyes lingered on the right side of the screen before glazing over completely.
Nope, not seeing things...
It's real.
The leaderboard on the right of the screen showed that Andrew Tate—a proud, self-proclaimed misogynist, currently facing charges for human trafficking, rape, and organized crime—is the latest number 1 bestseller on Substack...
At first, I was furious. I was incredulous, angry, and riled-up. But only briefly, because all of that was quickly replaced with deep and profound disgust. Noticing my rollercoaster of emotions, I paused to ask myself why. What was behind it?
I was disappointed. Borderline, betrayed even.
Substack is supposedly the anti-slop, emotionally-literate platform for writers.
I just… ok, um…
I'm sitting there, gawking defeatedly at the screen and wanting to scream at the top of my fucking lungs. I can't take it anymore. This, on top of all the other completely egregious modern headlines, I'm left feeling like the world values very different things than I do. Again.
I try to stay off of social media for the most part. I didn't even log on to Substack to scroll, I came to write. And then, here I am faced with this latest dumbfuckery staring back at me. Somehow, I feel extraordinary disdain and total dejection at the same time.
For a minute, I just sit there. And then a mountain of thoughts just come flooding in.
Male loneliness as at epidemic-level proportions.
We desperately need role models of healthy, secure masculinity. We need people who demonstrate vulnerability, empathy, acceptance, failure, and accountability. At the very least, I'd love to see more people agree that those are behavior patterns worth endorsing. I mean, those elements are the basis of secure, human connection—regardless of gender.
I can’t believe it’s controversial to say all that, but apparently it is.
So, if you’re reading this, I implore you to talk to the men in your life about pain. Because pain without an outlet ferments into something sinister... Guilt, shame, and fear are a breeding ground for insecurity. And when we give insecurity a chance to feed on our pain, it tries and fails to protect us by distorting the reality we accept. It translates rejection into inadequacy and encourages us to isolate.
Lonely people are susceptible to malicious acts disguised as purpose when they're made to look like acceptance...when they promise a sense of belonging.
When you talk to the men in your life, tell them in no uncertain terms how much you care about them. Ask them about what they’re going through and make space for them to exist without needing to have their shit together. Invite them to things. Tell them so, so, so explicitly that you want to be someone they can have honest conversations with.
Most of all, let them know that people like Andrew Tate are terrible role models. Make it abundantly clear that his popularity is a cause for concern, not celebration. We can do better; all of us. So, so much better.
Bravado doesn’t solve insecurity.
It just doesn’t.
Curiosity is the antidote for contempt, but connection is the cure.
Our Daily MAP Year Prompt
226/365
Who came to mind when reading this? Go talk to them.
onward.
For more on this daily column and The MAP Year Project, read the backstory here. And if you know someone who'd appreciate this, pass it along.
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