Finding gratitude thanks to someone's loss.
I was sitting in a local cafe and found myself tearing up.
I'm reading an email someone sent me in response to my recent essays. They'd recently lost a male friend to suicide, and said that after some time passes, they plan to send my essay to this person's spouse.
The questions in the email certainly got me thinking.
Particularly, one about who their friend could have called, since they likely hadn't wanted to burden their spouse. I've been sitting with that and, admittedly, no answers spring readily to mind.
I'm not a trained professional—there are people who are far better suited to handle crisis situations than I—but I'm always happy to be a resource where I can. That might mean being a listener, an intermediary to get someone connected with the right resources, or maybe even becoming a friend.
The person who sent the email talked about not knowing how best to navigate the boundary line of supportive spouse; particularly with female support of male partners. While I'm not married, I certainly consider how much to lean on my partner. And I've come to think of keeping things in as poisonous. I don't have to unload everything onto my partner, but I do have to find somewhere to get everything out. In my own life, that looks like a combination of writing some if it in my notebook, sharing some with my therapist, talking through bits with my partner, and batting pieces of it around with friends.
I'm staring at the screen trying to figure out what to say when I realize the most important thing I've discovered for making that all work, is upholding a commitment of not lying, withholding, or misrepresenting stuff to myself or others. It's become something of a life-mission of mine to help others dismantle that behavior pattern now, too.
Looking back at my inbox, all I can think is "I'm sorry this happened to you." I don't want to try to spin a silver lining or give them some "it could always be worse" bullshit.
Sometimes, bad things happen—plain and simple.
Just like this.
Our Daily MAP Year Prompt
241/365
When's the last time someone else's loss made you grateful for what you have?
onward.
For more on this daily column and The MAP Year Project, read the backstory here. And if you know someone who'd appreciate this, pass it along.
See the latest.
Subscribe to specific columns to receive new posts directly in your inbox.