The power of acceptance and belonging.
Sometimes acceptance looks like inaction, but requires motion.
In her book Tiny Beautiful Things, Cheryl Strayed shares letters from her advice column, "Dear Sugar." People write to her for guidance and she replies bluntly, but kindly. Basically, she's taken on the task of saying what people don't want to hear, but it's how she does it that fascinates me.
The letters span everything: falling in and out of love, depression, loss, trauma. Stuff like a guy in his thirties asking how to handle friends talking about him behind his back, or a woman struggling to share her sexual preferences with her long-term partner. It's all anonymous, so it feels like real people describing real struggles, but with a vulnerability they don't share in real life.
The back-and-forth is remarkable. It's not as stuffy as a mild-mannered therapist, but it's not as biased as a close friend, either. Which is helpful, because it keeps things somewhat objective. So much so, that I end up trying to decide how "normal" these people might be while relating to what they ask about. Questions unravel, eyebrows get raised, and reluctant nodding follows.
"Who the hell writes into an advice column anyway?" I wonder while ChatGPT tells me how great my ideas are.
The single thing that shows up in every piece of "Dear Sugar" advice?
Acceptance.
Before getting to the part where she offers a path forward, Cheryl, um... Sugar, shares bits of herself. She extends olive branches of relatability and creates a sense of belonging. She tells people they're not alone, or weird, or beyond repair. "Dear Sugar" is a bridge from denial disguised as an advice column—the advice is useless until the person receiving it can accept the reality of their situation.
Cheryl Strayed accepts the seeker, then demonstrates how they can accept their circumstance enough to change it, and themselves. And when we're stuck, finding someone relatable enough to ask for help is what creates motion.
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Does anyone know if there are prominent, male-identifying persons who write something like "Dear Sugar"? Because that would be awesome, if done thoughtfully.
Tune in next time for "Hey Bear" with Derek MacDonald...
Our Daily MAP Year Prompt
51/365
When you're struggling with something, who do you ask? Who do you avoid? Why?
onward.
Oh, and hey, before you go...
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