The line between creating and critiquing.
I've been playing chicken with the line between creating and critiquing for as long as I can remember. Both are a practice of observation and expression, so it's easy to drift from side to side without realizing.
I want to write fiction, but I've always been scared of it.
Some families bond over sports, but movies were the common ground in mine. My grandfather's eyes grow wide when he talks about Star Wars and my cousin Colby's mouth still hangs agape while listening—just like it did when we were kids. Our family discusses movies at dinner and we ask who's seen what in our family group chat. Lord of the Rings was a rite of passage, and each iteration of James Bond was a chance to hear another of my grandfather's stories.
I've always wondered if he was so good at telling stories because he liked movies and books so much or if it's the other way around. There was the time a security breach led to a stampeding crowd at the Beatles concert in Lynn, Massachusetts that he'd hitchhiked to. And another where he fell off a cliff during a foggy traverse between Alta and Snowbird in Utah. I still hold my breath when he gets to the part where he grabs hold of a tree branch and shimmies his way back up to safety, even though I know how it ends.
My grandfather always has a story and he always knows how to keep people on the edge of their seats the whole way through it. Colby, learned how to do that, too... he's an incredible filmmaker in his own right.
I've always been good at picking up on the details of a story but freeze when it's time to tell my own. Movies like The Departed or The Prestige are exhilarating because their complexity is made to look simple, and their simplicity is disguised as complex. I watch with admiration as their mixed plot lines and big reveals unfold. But me? I've always been proud of my ability to dissect storylines, even though my deep secret is wondering if I have what it takes to create them instead.
When I started watching the documentary series about Martin Scorsese, more than a few things clicked into place. He created Mean Streets as an homage to his upbringing, but it was interpreted as critique because of its accuracy.
Telling stories that entertain is hard. Sharing stories about what happened is much harder. Creating entertaining stories about what could realistically happen is hardest. I've been straddling that line between creating and critiquing my whole life. I want to write fiction, but I'm afraid I'll find out I can't write it as well as I can dissect it.
The voice in my head seems to think that's the reason I should give it a shot.
Our Daily MAP Year Prompt
55/365
How do you deal with the voice in your head that says you can't?
onward.
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