Both Are True

81 days in a row of writing these (126 including the pre-MAP Year test phase) and I almost skipped today.  Almost.

I'm having a pretty shitty day. The phrase "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" keeps circling through my head. I went back and forth, telling myself to sleep it off—that tomorrow's a new day and all that jazz. But I found something to say, so here I am. I'll let you decide if it's nice or not.

That original quote about holding your tongue is widely credited to the Disney movie Bambi, which I didn't know—or didn't remember—until I looked it up while writing this. The line gets said by Thumper, and actually reads "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all."

I call bullshit.

I remember watching Bambi a lot on VHS as a kid. In fact, I'm pretty sure my mom still has it in a box somewhere. Consciously from that movie or not, that phrase became somewhat of a guiding mantra in my life. It's just that nobody thought to tell me that it applied when talking to myself, too. For years I swallowed my true feelings to appease the people around me. I learned to prioritize their well-being ahead of my own, and my inner dialogue turned ugly for decades. I became my own biggest critic and my reviews were scathing.

I'm writing this because I promised myself I'd show up every day for one year. If I were to heed Thumper's words and choose to "say nothin' at all", I'd be prioritizing the comfort of others at the expense of my own wants, needs, and ambitions. I don't do that anymore.

So, yes, today sucked. And, yes, tomorrow is a new day.

Both are true.

But I no longer ditch myself to accommodate others. Let this be your permission slip if you need that reminder as well.